Enough is Enough

Enough is Enough

I am a sucker for 2-4-1 cocktails, I love a good deal on a bottle of wine and £5 Cava from Asda is what I refer to as being the love of my life. Anyone who knows me knows that I have three drinks going at once and it won't be long until I'll have a fourth. It seemed like my whole life revolved around alcohol: Student nights offering £2.50 vodka mixers and £1.50 pints were what I spent my whole week waiting for and when I wasn't at a bar myself, I was behind one, making drinks for other people - even when I wasn't drinking, I was still surrounded by people who were. 

I was finishing a shift at 11PM and then running home to get ready as quickly as I could, trying to throw back a few glasses of wine before having to meet my friends at whatever club or pub we said we would meet at. I was turning up to work at 10AM the next day, sleep deprived and hanging out my arse, looking like death warmed up.  I was skipping lectures and seminars because I was too hungover to go in or because a pre pre-drink nap was more important to me than my education. 

I was going out for nice dinners, giving myself prep talks on the way there how I would NOT buy any drinks, only to look at the drinks menu before the food as soon as I arrived and before I knew it, it would be 3AM, I would only just be getting home, drunk, full of regret and being about £100 down. I honestly wish I was exaggerating. 

This has been the story of my life for the past two years. Ever since starting university. I've always found it ironic how I went to uni to get a degree in something that I'm passionate about, to work hard and be hopeful of setting myself up a good future. However sometimes it felt like I was doing the opposite of that.  

I'm sure everyone at a point in their life has done one of the above every now and again. Drinks after work, too many cocktails at dinner, giving in and going out when you know you have to be up early the next morning; there's not an issue in doing these things, but when it becomes a daily occurrence, like it was for me, that's when it becomes an issue. I have learned the hard way that when you're prioritising alcohol before your health, financial stability, your responsibilities and sacrificing who you are for it, that's when it becomes an issue. 

My drinking habits were bringing me nothing but negativity. Not only this, I was tying to overcome any negative feelings I did feel by drinking. It was a vicious cycle. Alcohol turns me into a different person. It takes away my sense of control and I become someone who I know who isn't me. I know this is what genuinely happens, but it felt like the side effects were amplified for me and that it was slowly starting to take over my life. 

Every bad situation I've gotten myself in has been because I was too drunk. Every bad thing that has happened to me has been because I was too drunk. Those Espresso Martinis and Jagerbombs were wroth it though, right? 

From now on, I am saying no. They aren't worth it, even if they seem like a good idea at the time. 

So for now, I am taking time out, learning some self control and discipline and more importantly, forgiving myself for the person I became, who I was becoming and putting myself through the things that I have. Thank you for these lessons learned, but enough is enough.